Monday, October 10, 2022

How to find a therapist for me

Finding a therapist is the same as finding a great hairdresser or barber. It can have an effect on you that others can clearly see for a while. Of course there are different strokes for different folks. Each therapist/counselor/psychotherapist has their own personality. Sometimes that will be what keeps you or causes you to go away looking for another therapist.

First you should ask yourself some questions:

  • Am I really ready to work on myself?
  • Am I ready to realize some things about myself that I might have been denying for a period?
  • Am I looking for someone to only look at me and nod?
  • Do I want an interactive therapist?
  • Am I willing to stay in therapy until my goals are met or exceeded?
  • Am I ready to have a more fulfilling life?
  • Am I willing to be consistent and to put my mental health first?
  • Am I having mental health concerns?
  • Am I having relationship concerns?
  • Am I not being the best parent that I can be?
  • Am I unhappy?
  • Am I uncertain about what to do with my life?
  • Are my thoughts racing?
  • Am I having difficulty sleeping?
  • Am I ready to be wholly honest with the counselor to get a great outcome?
  • Am I able to consider my therapist how I might need my therapist to consider me?
  • Am I stable but I want to have someone to check in with monthly or quarterly to ensure that all continues to go well in my world?
Finding a good therapist for you should include:
  • Choosing to pay cash (to keep all of your information private) or to use insurance
  • If you will use insurance-looking on their site to find someone in your state
  • (I can see clients internationally, in Texas, Delaware and in New Mexico in the U.S.)
  • Another great site to find therapist options is Psychology Today
  • Read their profiles (which one do you feel like you relate to the most)
  • Choose at least two to call to have a short consultation with 
  • Have two to three questions ready to ask during the consultation and take note of the answers
  • Choose a therapist, make an appointment
  • Read everything that you sign as each therapist has their own guidelines which may discuss fees, missed appointments and other noteworthy topics
If for any reason you are wanting a therapist to agree with everything you say, you may not find that. It is possible that your perspective on things is quite clear and that could happen. Just, don't let a varying perspective turn you off or away from therapy. 

To find success in therapy, there are three things that will often be required. 

They are:
  1. Make a plan (treatment plan)
  2. Implement the plan
  3. Be consistent with following the plan, attending therapy and completing the homework given 
I hope that this has been quite informative for you. If you have any questions, please response here or use the link below to reach out.

Shana Trahan, LPC
World Renowned Therapist

Treating clients: Internationally, in Texas, Delaware and in New Mexico

Monday, October 3, 2022

Peaceful Living

 What is peaceful living?

Someone said to me the other day, "I don't deal with many people because people have lots of problems and they try to dump all of their stuff on you." I thought about it and what I came up with is the following. We teach people how to treat us according to the boundaries that we set. For example, if you are a person who likes to be aware before your guests show up and a particular person has shown up 3 different times without asking if they could come over but you don't say anything (despite the idea that you believe that they should know better) you have taught them that their behavior is okay since you remained silent. Part of you could be thinking, "I don't want to be mean or hurt their feelings."  The question is, is setting boundaries hurting people's feelings? Is telling someone something that they won't agree with something that should typically hurt someone's feelings?

We all grew up differently and we have different ways of garnering respect and peace. When I speak with some clients, sometimes I say the things that some friends won't say. For example, a friend might not have shared with you that they are going through a tough time. Now you call the friend to share about the three terrible things going on in your life. Though the person is your friend (and some friends say, "It's okay, tell me everything.") they might not have the emotional capacity to handle the things going on with you and with themselves. This is why I  suggest that everyone have a good therapist in their phone, on tap, close by that you see regularly. 

Let's look more closely at peaceful living. A peaceful life is one when your mind is at peace. It is full of healthy boundaries implemented. It is focused on your higher power, taking care of yourself and contributing positively to the world. It is enjoying some quiet time and vacations. It is also finding happiness in the little things. Are you doing these things? Do you have a hobby or some fun activities that you enjoy that don't require you to solely sit on the sofa in front of the television?

Peaceful living is a choice. From the outside looking in, some people will not understand. Some things you can do to obtain peace of mind is to walk through forgiveness of others who have done you wrong with your therapist. Also, be honest about who you are and what you want out of life. Some people enjoy working at Walmart or in retail while others strive to become corporate executives. Whatever you choose to become, be the best at that. That is how you set yourself apart. 

Peaceful living is being at one with nature and with things that God made. Loving it, being grateful for nature and how beautiful it is and spending time with animals, trees, a Fall breeze or the Carribean Sea-an unusually peaceful place for me. I was in Jamaica and I took a boat far out into the sea and I went snorkeling. When I got out of the boat and I looked around, I could not see land at all. At one point, I just closed my eyes and thought about how I felt blessed, about how great God is to have created such a magnificent sea. Being there, in the water felt so peaceful. The peace was greater than any I'd ever known. 

Where is your greatest place of true peace? Not just quiet and lack of commotion. Where do you connect with the world or the earth to the degree that nothing else is at play in your thoughts?

You can have a peaceful life. It starts with knowing who you are, forgiving others and sometimes yourself for past problems and with setting healthy boundaries with those around you. Boundaries can be set in a kind way but you must be consistent with upholding them or others won't take the boundary setting seriously.

Go out and have a peaceful life.

Shana Trahan, LPC

Serving: Texas, New Mexico and Delaware

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Saturday, October 1, 2022

Stay Encouraged

 There are so many horrific news stories in the world but you're still alive. Stay encouraged.

Someone didn't do what they said they were going to do, but you've still got you, stay encouraged.

You had to put your class off for a semester, life happens. Stay encouraged.

When you woke up, you didn't feel like your best self, take a walk and apply some positive self talk, remain encouraged.

Each day presents us with a new opportunity as the sun rises. As we watch the sun set, we should remain encouraged that the dawn will come again.

Let the focus be creating the life that you want to be your world, your reality. 

Remember to stay grateful despite challenges as there is usually something good like- you're still here.

When you don't know the answer, reach out to a good Librarian-they'll usually have a good book for that.

If that was good but you want more, search Google for answers.

When you realize that a person is really what you desire to speak with, find a good therapist.

If you're still here, you still have a fighting chance. You can become the best version of yourself. 

Ask yourself and two others, "What's good about me?" Tell them, "Thank you." 

Celebrate those things and give thanks for them. Then decide on the positive mark you'd like to leave in the world.

How will you help others? How will you add happiness to the world? How will you take care of yourself daily in a healthy way?

For most questions, there is an answer. Stay encouraged.

Shana Trahan, LPC

Now serving: Texas, New Mexico and Delaware

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Monday, May 25, 2020

Appreciating Others

There comes a time when appreciating others should take place. Should it be your mom or dad, friends, teachers, the mailman? Should it be everyone who is kind and helpful? Should it be given to every thoughtful and courteous soul? Why should you even think about another human and making their day with gestures of appreciation?

While I'd love to blame it on something I saw and heard in a movie the other day about Steve Jobs, I'm not sure that the I-Mac, I-Phone, I-Pad, etcetera are all to blame for the catastrophe of people not considering others and failing to appreciate others. It is true that some people can't put down their piece of technology long enough to stop looking at their Instagram, Tic Toc, Snapchat and other apps. Does it mean that we have become a culture who no longer considers others enough to show appreciation?

As a kid, I remembered being so excited when my grandfather gave me some money to go to the Southern Po-boy shop. I thanked him so much and then gave him a big hug to boot. Granted, it was something he would do when I would ask, but I wasn't greedy, so my asking was intermittent. But, each time he did it, he could see from my response how much it meant.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a friend, a good co-worker or an intimate relationship where you began to drop the ball on things? Did you stop doing the little things and then began to wonder why the other person began to change in the relationship? Sometimes it's us. Sometimes we don't do what we should be doing to let others know how much we value them and why. Why is that?

Most children grow up with their parents or grandparents and many of them learn a stability, the stability of that person/those people showing up everyday and feeding them, loving them and taking time with them. They get used to however they are treated and the creature comforts they are treated to day in and day out. As parents and grandparents, it seems like our job is to give until there is no more breath in our bodies. Some teachers make projects out of mothers and fathers day activities. When do the children begin to appreciate the parents?

I might be wrong, but I have a few ideas about some of these things. If you have a friend who treats you well, keeps your secrets and shows you love-let them know that you love them and do things to show them that while they are alive-don't wait on them. Lead by example.

If you have a mate or spouse, learn their love language. What does it take for that person you love to feel cherished? To feel loved? If you don't know or haven't paid attention, just ask them. There are no stupid questions in love when you're focusing on making your relationship better. Show them you love them. Words can be nice, but love is also a verb so show your love in the ways they receive it best.

About the children, perhaps we must start when they are young by teaching them to do acts of kindness for one another. We should encourage the use of words or phrases like: "Thank you", "I appreciate it", "That means so much to me", "You're welcome", "How can I help", "You are appreciated", "You are a gem",  and others. We should teach them to use kind words with their peers, with their parents and in the community as a whole.

In none of these situations should we expect perfection, but if we put on our best self for family, friends and others, if nothing else-the karma should show you some kindness.

Thanks for being here. Have an absolutely wonderful day.

Shana Trahan, LPC, MEd
The Trahan Therapy Center

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Sunday, December 16, 2018

Cheating Spouses

Could it be you????
Anyone in a relationship has heard about cheating, knows someone who has cheated and has cheated or been cheated on. Some people have different ideas about what cheating is. I once denied strong emotions toward a person who I wasn't with when I was with another party. The truth is that there is emotional and physical cheating.

Certainly, many people would say-just give me two wives or two husbands. This way they could get more of their needs met.

People around the globe cheat and others ask, WHY. The truth is that many people cheat because they want to. Some scenario's are situational such as two people who work together, treating each other well and they end up spending large sums of time together. That organically can be escalated.

In talking to men for years, many report they feel as if it's in their nature. Some people don't have a huge problem with acknowledging the nature of their partner. Some of the biggest concerns I've heard are:

  • Spending money on a person outside of the home
  • STD possibility
  • Breakdown in marital communication
  • Falling out of love with current spouse 
  • Leaving a spouse for a different, younger or wealthier person
I had a conversation with someone recently and I shared that while some people implement condom usage, many won't do so for oral pleasures. So, the whole idea of, "Oh, I used a condom" goes out of the window! Sharing bodily fluids with multiple people can lead to many health problems. For a married man, it could end up in a pregnancy you didn't plan for. For a woman, the same thing applies. Then the husband gets lied too, he knows in his heart the child doesn't look or act like him but he accepts it anyway. 

What are some signs of cheating?
  • Lying about things that don't make any sense
  • Sharp change in routines
  • Texting in the middle of the night
  • Going outside or to their car to talk on the phone
  • Working late but not bringing home extra income
  • Wearing a new cologne/perfume
  • Singing in the shower
  • Listening to love songs when they haven't in the past
  • Refusing sex for silly reasons
  • Going out or coming home with no underwear on
  • Locking the bathroom door while in there with their phone
  • Spending the night out without pre planning
  • Putting a passcode on their phone
  • Carrying their phone with them everywhere, never leaving it unattended
  • Passion marks or scratches you didn't make
  • Refusing to take a shower and gets in bed dressed
  • Turns away from you when they routinely toward you in bed
  • Not answering your calls
  • Trying new sex positions out of the blue
  • Coming home extremely late
  • Refusing to allow spouse social media access
  • Whispering on phone calls
  • Creating division between you and their family or you and their friends
  • Being unwilling to say where they are going or approximately when they will return
  • Closing their eyes during intercourse 
These are certainly not all of the signs of a cheating mate. Sometimes people will do some of these things to make you jealous. Be careful about automatically jumping to conclusions or accusing someone. Observe, research and ask questions. Do that only if you plan to take some action. If you don't plan to do anything about it, don't discuss it. Don't even bring it up.

Some have said that cheating has helped to make their marital relationship better. The way it was explained to me was that the outside person shares in fun and enjoyment without obligation-creating a sense of freedom. So, when the other party returns home with a positive attitude, smiling and enjoying life.

So, this brings up the question, should there be two husband and two wives in a relationship? I'd be interested to hear what you think.

Term: Polygamy-the practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time

Tip:  No matter what type of marital relationship you choose, just make sure its built on a solid foundation.

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Is Every Child Supposed to Go To College

Every child isn't supposed to go to college.....

     Since I was a young girl, I always knew that it was a familial expectation that I attend college. While I initially wanted to attend FIDM, Fashion Institute of Design Merchandising, my family discouraged me from going to "dangerous, gang plagued California". Growing up a bit sheltered, I followed the guidance and ended up doing something outside of my lifelong passion. This of course changed the course of my life. I never imagined that options besides college existed. While many people fight against a global state of conditioning, many of us do it to our children.

     The majority of Americans choose to follow and promote the "Status Quo". Most people don't question large entities like they do mom and pop shops. People tend to have a greater trust in larger well established entities even without knowing people who work there or the CEO.

     Some children have developed a sense of inferiority when in the presence of peers who seemed more focus and have a clear idea of what they want their future to look like. Some school districts across the country have caught on and have begun to offer trade programs.

     On the other hand, K-12 focuses on college and college readiness as a whole and definitely tends to promote 4 year colleges as if they are the only option, most times. What about 2 year colleges, trade schools, apprenticeships, entry level jobs that promote from within and other careers that don't require a day of university time?
     I can name 5 trade professions that require less time to learn and prepare for whose salary is more than the median $50,000 salary in the United States. 

  • Plumbers
  • Welders
  • Electricians
  • Beauticians
  • Facilities Managers
     So, should every child go to college? Realistically, we need cashier's, garbage collectors, custodians, retail workers, parking lot attendants, bus drivers and many other careers that don't require an education beyond high school. Every child has a choice and not every child will rush off to college. This is one of the areas that "10 Ways To Be a Great Parent" discusses. It's important to allow your child to access experiences while they are growing up so that they can possibly determine where their interests lie.

     You might ask, "Where do I go to find out what my child likes, is there a test?" "Should we read, What Color is Your Parachute?" Certainly a young person, probably in high school or college can go through True Colors to help them to learn about who they are as a person which can also give them guidance toward careers they should be successful in. STOZP

     Other options are to contact your child's middle or high school to find out if they do any type of interest inventory. An important thing about this is to ask your child to take it seriously and to be honest on it. The results are only as good as the accuracy of the information shared during the inventory. 

     Of course there will be some students who read alot and eventually become inventors and entrepreneurs that contribute to society in great and positive ways. These people aren't always college graduates, but they develop great ideas or have fantastic work ethics that set them apart from some of their peers.

     College is one route to learning things and helping to catapult individuals into specific career choices while the military is yet another platform for learning. Each person should be lauded for making positive life choices and choosing a life that doesn't adversely affect or take away from the way that other civil citizens choose to live their lives. 

     One thing I would tell my student athletes in the past would be, it's fine to be an outstanding athlete, but being a scholar-athlete is most important so that if offered any contracts, you can read them along with your attorney to ensure that you are getting what you've been promised. It's important so that you, as a scholar athlete can keep track of your earnings, investments and such despite having an accountant.

     So, my answer to the question, "Is everyone supposed to go to college?" is a resounding NO. Every child should be encouraged to be their best self. They should be encouraged to play to their strengths while still building their academic and personal areas where they need growth.

     If you have children or plan to have some, I'd love to hear how you feel about this topic and I'd love to hear what you tell your children about this topic.